Oh, look! That computer just flew out of that window!

In Uncategorized on June 19, 2012 at 2:42 pm

How many of us have had computer issues? Everybody. It’s a necessary part of life, just like getting one’s driver’s license or getting a haircut. It happens often.

For me, however, it happens a bit more.

I honestly believe I was born in the wrong decade. The wrong century, really. I have NEVER been able to understand the inner workings of computers. what exactly is an IMAP? what is a RAM processor thingy? I couldn’t tell you.

I took computer classes all throughout school. The funniest part of this whole messy hate-hate relationship between computers and me is that in 8th grade I won the Computer Science Award. I had to walk up in front of the entire school (Pre-k through high school) to receive a metal award attached to a  red, white, and blue ribbon, with a pained smile on my face while my friends snickered and my mother didn’t bother smothering her surprised laugh. Yes, everybody was laughing because it was quite comical. Me, winning an award about computers? That was crazy talk. To clarify, they gave it to me because I had the fastest typing skills in the 8th grade. I believe my score was 56 words in a minute (is that fast?). But regardless, I hardly saw how that qualified me for the Computer Award. A father of a boy in my grade (who really should have won it) even said something along those lines after the ceremony (rude, right?)

So, as you see, it’s been quite obvious to myself and people around me that I”m the Kiss of Death when it comes to computers.

When I left for college my father bought me my first laptop (which I still have, but might not any longer….). It has a yellow and white polka dot cover and weighs a ton (I liked the size of the screen and didn’t understand how complicated it would be to lug my heavy laptop all over campus).

Enter my father. Probably the most adept computer person I have ever seen (and that includes my computer teachers in school). I think he majored in Econ or something in college, so I don’t know where he learned all of that, but nonetheless, he knows exactly everything there is to know about computers.  He ordered it, he installed all of that stuff that goes onto computers (it came on a CD disk?), installed a backup system and all that anti virus stuff (which I still don’t understand because I thought a lot of viruses pose as anti-viruses, so how do I know it’s a real one when it asks me to update the software? Sheesh), among other things. Do you want to know what I did? I put a pretty background picture of a Christmas window front display of Anthropologie and coordinated colors with the sidebar (you can do that, you know. Isn’t that cool?).

The first day my parents dropped me off at campus, I had a minor heart attack. It was not because of homesickness. It was because my father could no longer be ten feet away from me when (not if, when) I had a computer problem. Sure enough, later that night I couldn’t connect to my school’s Wi-Fi and called my father frantically (sadly, he thought I was calling because I was missing them already. It made me feel kind of guilty. I’m such a bad daughter).

And now this year. My ethernet thingy on the side of my laptop broke (a piece of it came off or something), so at school I couldn’t log onto the internet after 9 pm (got my homework done early at least!) When I took it into the school’s tech center, they said I would have to send it out for two weeks. Uhhhhhhhh, let me think about that….NO! It was the week before finals! I’m a history and English major with minors in Art History and classical studies. Do you even know the amount of essays I have to write? It’s ridiculous. (But I secretly love it.) So I angrily took my laptop and left, secretly wishing it may fall out of my car on the train tracks and get run over (one can dream).

I sent in my computer (after my dad called Dell, of course) 3 days before the warranty was out so they could replace my motherboard (what the heck is that, exactly? It almost sounds like a curse word…) which would have cost 400 dollars if my laptop wasn’t covered. When they sent it back, EVERYTHING WAS SO WRONG WITH MY LAPTOP. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of software problems my computer had.

My dad has been on the phone with dell for over 4 hours in the past two days, and they are planning on calling again today or tomorrow to make sure the box they sent came in, so I can then send my computer back to them. (note: the laptop was fine when I sent it in. It was PSYCHO COMPUTER when I got it back. Seriously. They could create a horror movie starring my laptop.)

So basically my hardrive will be wiped out, all of my files have been saved to CDs and Dropbox (which I still have no idea what that is or how it works), but I will still lose all of my personal computer setting and possibly iTunes. Yayyyy….. And the might fix it. Might. They can’t be certain.

Why are computers so complicated? If everybody owns or uses one nearly every day, shouldn’t it be so easy that any moron could resolve any issues? I mean, it’s seriously putting a damper on my life plans. How am I supposed to live a single life alone if I can’t fix my computer or understand the accents from the tech guys? That scares me more than living alone where my house could be burglarized and I could be kidnapped and then tortured and then who knows what else?

I really want to throw my laptop out the window. It’s a common phrase in my family (uttered by both mother and daughter more than son and father). But I REALLY really want to throw it out my window. I can hear the satisfying crunchy thud it would make when it landed. I bet it wouldn’t come apart at first. But when I throw a hammer down after it it might.

Sigh. I don’t think my father would be very pleased if I did that. Especially since I don’t have the funds to replace it.

Sheesh. What will happen when I go to Scotland? If my laptop dies and I have to buy a new one, it won’t have the $ sign on the keyboard! Eek!


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